Friday, February 24, 2012

tears- the good kind.

today i feel like a little kid lost in her imagination but the best part is that there is nothing imaginative about where my mind is right now- rather real and attainable.
i can no longer imagine the lack of passion and enthusiasm for life that non-believers have to resinate with day in and day out. the sad part is they fool themselves thinking they are passionate and enthused but i know without knowing your creator you cant really fully understand what those words even mean. I know because i had to be saved from the same state. such an absence of hope and purpose and the absolute darkness they dwell in makes me want a full blown war to destroy every remanence of satan so that the victory that is already the Lords can be had in every lost heart.  there is just a completely different lens that you get to view life out of when being risen from the dead into life. actual life. real life. and beautiful life. I get so emotional with just humble appreciation of this breathtaking perspective that was freely given to me absolutely undeservingly. For so long my heart has starved for something greater than this broken world and all it offers. I have sought out experiences and belongings only to be filled with an emptiness that consistently pains my heart and leaves my mind and emotions rattled and stormy. But He who promises has never let go of my sinfully rebellious heart. My eyes are swollen with tears... 
-the good kind- because the light that was seemingly at the end of the tunnel for so long is... here. I don't see darkness anymore. So where my eyes used to leak rain from the storm that brewed in my heart blurring the promise of sweet sunshine- now i still cry. My cries are not the painful rainy kind anymore- Simply my rejoicing heart that can not contain itself within my body. When I meditate on the Lord often i feel airy like any minute i will just float away. I can not myself even process fully my thoughts and emotions that absolutely race but in a slow motion time-is-standing-still kind of way. but what i have come to realize is that this is not some experience where i am becoming delusional and somewhat crazy as it often feels rather having rock poured beneath my feet so that i can stand. Becoming grounded and seeing a foundation being laid for my life does give me some sort of high. I think its because its a feeling and a place that i have no power in and of myself to reach. ever. sweet Jesus meets me right where i lay- discouraged and disgruntled. hopeless. and powerless. He not only alleviates the pain like a drug but heals the brokeness like only a savior can do. Sweet sweet surrender to an irresistible indescribable God who has truly saved me from myself. He has saved the day everyday so so many days ago and today i rejoice.

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