Friday, February 24, 2012
i can no longer imagine the lack of passion and enthusiasm for life that non-believers have to resinate with day in and day out. the sad part is they fool themselves thinking they are passionate and enthused but i know without knowing your creator you cant really fully understand what those words even mean. I know because i had to be saved from the same state. such an absence of hope and purpose and the absolute darkness they dwell in makes me want a full blown war to destroy every remanence of satan so that the victory that is already the Lords can be had in every lost heart. there is just a completely different lens that you get to view life out of when being risen from the dead into life. actual life. real life. and beautiful life. I get so emotional with just humble appreciation of this breathtaking perspective that was freely given to me absolutely undeservingly. For so long my heart has starved for something greater than this broken world and all it offers. I have sought out experiences and belongings only to be filled with an emptiness that consistently pains my heart and leaves my mind and emotions rattled and stormy. But He who promises has never let go of my sinfully rebellious heart. My eyes are swollen with tears...
-the good kind- because the light that was seemingly at the end of the tunnel for so long is... here. I don't see darkness anymore. So where my eyes used to leak rain from the storm that brewed in my heart blurring the promise of sweet sunshine- now i still cry. My cries are not the painful rainy kind anymore- Simply my rejoicing heart that can not contain itself within my body. When I meditate on the Lord often i feel airy like any minute i will just float away. I can not myself even process fully my thoughts and emotions that absolutely race but in a slow motion time-is-standing-still kind of way. but what i have come to realize is that this is not some experience where i am becoming delusional and somewhat crazy as it often feels rather having rock poured beneath my feet so that i can stand. Becoming grounded and seeing a foundation being laid for my life does give me some sort of high. I think its because its a feeling and a place that i have no power in and of myself to reach. ever. sweet Jesus meets me right where i lay- discouraged and disgruntled. hopeless. and powerless. He not only alleviates the pain like a drug but heals the brokeness like only a savior can do. Sweet sweet surrender to an irresistible indescribable God who has truly saved me from myself. He has saved the day everyday so so many days ago and today i rejoice.
Friday, January 6, 2012
starved though. must be natural causes. im no vet. moving on. on the upside henry is still kicking/swimming. whatever. i changed his water tonight. gotta hate when you spill fish water on your carpet... for the second time. kinda makes you wonder why you have a fish. all hassle. no love.
i just got back from new years conference (nationals conference). talk about a loaded week. so many powerful speakers and messages but i think the main thing i am taking away with me is a verse that was shared from psalm 119:32 "I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart." this past summer when i was on beach project the verse that hit home the most that i also shared in another blog post was Phil. 2:14-16 "Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain." Its interesting because the truth that hits me the hardest is the part saying i will obey your commandments WHEN you enlarge my heart and then in phil. when it says holding fast to the word of life...i did not run...or labor in vain. its interesting the way the Lord keeps highlighting that for me. my problem is that i think a lot of myself. I expect obedience and good deeds from myself and constantly fail and live in sin. the underlying issue is that i have not allowed the Lord to enlarge my heart and i have not held fast to the word of life. in and of my flesh i am so inadequate of any good. if there is anything thats been made clear in my life, it is that.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
: today i am thankful for finishing my christmas shopping.
: i am thankful for movie night with my family and how loving and fun my sweet family is.
: i am thankful for jane anne mathis and how incredibly refreshing she is.
: i am thankful for the Lords consistency and endurance in molding me.
: i am thankful for the fish food my mom picked up for me at walmart so that i dont have to feel like the worst pet owner ever every time i walk in my room. (for those whom it may concern...henry and fredrick- almost starved to death but they are healthy now)
endurance: noun : the fact or power of enduring a difficult process or situation without giving way.
i am a difficult situation. the process constantly occurring in me is demanding. i am so thankful that the lord always endures without giving way. i am thankful that he not only endures but finds joy in doing so. my prayer now is that he would receive the glory due him. especially this christmas season.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.
12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.