the most valuable mistress

Don't leave, my love, You beg and plead.

I run faster to the sin on which I feed.

Shamefully leaving early the next day,

Headed home to the loneliness that eats me away.

Wondering why pursuit remains Your passion.

You know unfaithfulness is my only fashion.

Now a week later I get a call.

His tale, I buy, knowing its tall.

He needs me now? Well it's two in the morning.

I go although You scream a warning.

Promising again to forever stay.

Renewing Your love each morning, all day.

Maybe he will change if I meet his demands.

You just wait so patiently, no one understands.

You call to me relentlessly, I wont surrender! Don't You see?

Your broken that I turn away, but still Your heart craves me.

I see him drift but I wont let go.

Giving him everything hoping to sew,

This relationship that used to be.

Knowing its strangling and suffocating me.

You see my heart and hate the pain,

But I don't choose You. I choose the rain.

You don't give up, You continue to wait.

I know I'm wrong but I still debate.

He continues to use me but wont commit.

I know its over. The fires now lit.

Inflaming me in this bottomless pit.

The storm is brewing and I don't feel fit,

to return to You though i feel You near.

You promise Your love to clear all fear.

Hurriedly drying every last tear.

You say my heart so loudly You hear,

And healing me You long to do.

After you've fought for me when I hated You.

You gave everything and want nothing from me,

but to see me live so fully and free.

I turned to You as a last resort,

But You picked me first to pursue and support.

Knowing I will never love you.

Forever unfaithful in all I do.

You declare me beautiful and see no fault.

In your arms I am forever sought.

I'm so valuable in Your eyes.

A daughter of the King, His greatest prize.

A mistress to sin my flesh will forever be,

But no sin you see when you look at me.

Grace is mine to live in victoriously.

I wrote this poem not about sexual sin but just to depict the addiction to sin I'm in. The way I choose sin over the Lord almost always and the way he loves me and craves to empower me regardless. He is so faithful to be faithful and I am so faithful to my flesh. He holds no record. Just loves me. The end.