NOV 8

i don't want to spend time with the Lord for peoples approval or to gain credibility amongst believers. i want to want to spend time with the Lord. i want to crave it. hunger for it. thirst. i don't want to feel burdened by other believers and their expectations of me or a "christian check list". i want in my heart of hearts to desire the Lord and his word and from that allow my life to be an overflow of the love and joy i have soaked up. some days my sponge feels moist and squishy and it cant help but drip all over the place all day long. those are the days that i feel the spirit so active in my life and doing things in my heart. those are the days i feel as if the Lord really is using me. other days my sponge feels dry and crispy. like it could knock someone out if i hit them with it. those are the days i probably do want to hit someone with it. today is that kind of day. the type where i feel exasperated useless. i feel failure. i feel wasted. my time feels/is wasted. i mope around. i dont serve. i dont encourage. i dont overflow love. i splatter sin. today was about me. WAY TO MUCH OF ME. i feel like i splattered all over everyone. i was easily irritated, annoyed, frustrated. this is not of the Lord. this is not what abiding looks like.

Lord, draw me near to you. draw me closer and closer until my sponge is nice and squishy. i cant pour out from an empty cup. there is nothing to pour. fill me today as i spend time with you. thank you for your sweet word. what a blessing.